Post 8: Twenty five years on the wall

Written on Sunday 31st Jan 2010 at 10:25 am

Last night was my parents’ silver anniversary. 25 years of married bliss... well, maybe 5 years before I was born. It was a night planned 2 months ahead by my dad as a surprise for my mum.

Everybody was in the hotel salon room by 6 o’clock and my dad was due to bring my mum at 7. When it was time the lights were dimmed and everyone got ready to surprise her. When she walked in it literally took about 5 seconds before we yelled surprise. My mum had already seen the setup but we all just stared at her while waiting for our cue. Then my cousin’s band joined in with the Congratulations Song and the party began.

That night made my mum very happy. The band played love songs all night, people got up to do speeches, gifts got given and there was even a conga line at one point.

Post 7: Home is where the House is

Written on Saturday 30th 2010 at 9:56 am

My brother and I have just been hanging around in Hong Kong for the last 3 or so days. Our parents were off somewhere in mainland China and we had the apartment to ourselves. It really felt as though we made Hong Kong our home as we spent time shopping, taking the subway and eating noodles everyday.

On Tuesday Uncle and Aunty 6 took us up Tai Mo Shan (literally Big Hat Mountain) and they brought their dog along. It spins in a circle when it’s taking a crap so the poop is all swirly like in cartoons. I got to drive the car home. The mountain roads were fun to speed through but once we reached the city it was plain annoying. Nobody gives way and everybody’s horn happy. People in Hong Kong always seem to be in a hurry.

On Wednesday we went to Mong Kok with N Jr and his girlfriend. We strolled through Shoe Street which only had shops that sold sneakers and Women’s Street which sold cheap souvenirs. We explored a few malls and my brother and I ended buying all sorts of stuff like; a lighter that looks like a Juicy Fruit packet, a thumb-sized harmonica, tiny slot machine, tiny foosball table and ink pens that look like syringes. The shopkeeper who sold me the lighter showed me this other lighter than he thought was pretty cool.

It zapped me.

On Thursday my brother and I went to Tsim Sha Tsui (literally Pointy Sandy Mouth) by ourselves and we got lost for a while. Well about 2 hours and it was so dull and boring since my brother doesn’t talk much. Eventually we found the subway and went to Mong Kok where my cousin meet up with us and took me to his band practise. They were very good and they even let me on the drums to jam with them.

On Friday we saw Avatar in 3D. It’s an impressive feast for the eyes but the story and acting was average. Also the parallels are undeniable... [Link]. After the movie we went to an arcade and later at dinnertime we met back up with our parents for a BBQ.

And that brings us to Saturday. I realise not much happened these last 3 days, but it’s the boring stuff that you remember best. Tonight won’t be boring though since there’ll be a big celebration for someone who isn’t even expecting it. That’s right, a surprise party.

Post 6: The one about Macau

Written on Monday 25th January 2009 9:32 pm

Yesterday, Sunday morning we prepared for an overnight stay in Macau (literally some Portugese name) with another family. For privacy’s sake let’s call them the N family. My mum went to school with Mrs. N so they were old friends, my dad enjoys trying to one-up Mr. N in everything and they have one son; let’s call him N Jr, who came to stay with us in Australia last year. N Jr hung around for a month and a half so we were familiar.

We met up with the N family at the ferry port in Hong Kong Central (literally Centre of Hong Kong). Together we all went into a Starbucks where N Jr, my brother and I chatted while behind us my dad and Mr. N arm wrestled.

The ferry to Macau took an hour. I get light-headed on boat trips so I tried to sleep but a baby was crying the entire time. I didn’t mind though since I was glad someone was having a worse time than me.

Macau is a city of casinos, neon lights and smog. With only half a million people populating it I was surprised to learn that it grosses more profit from gambling than Las Vegas. At least that’s what my dad told me – and he is frequently making stuff up.

We took a bus to our hotel, The Venetian. It was a monumental building with its own sky and canal on the 2nd floor. It was less impressive that they allowed smokers inside the building. The air felt like second hand smoke everywhere.

After checking into our rooms both families headed down for some lunch. We chose a Chinese restaurant inside the Venetian. Everyone started telling the waiter what they wanted and when we were done Mr. N asked how big the portions were. The waiter then rolled his eyes so far back they reappeared from the bottom, then begrudgingly replied and walked off.

Well, Mr. N felt that that was pretty rude so he decided to scare him a little bit. So he walked up to the waiter and asked to see the manager. All we could see was a flash of fear in the waiter’s eyes which was quickly masked. Mr. N never did get to speak with the manager, but the waiter did change his tune and also gave us a nice discount.

So that was lunch. After that we gambled a little in the hotel’s casino and rested up in our rooms. At dinner Mr. N challenged my dad to get a discount like he did. My dad tried the sweet talk approach. I think we got charged a surplus.

We walked around the streets for a bit, taking in the vibrant neon colours of Macau and after accidentally giving a European tourist wrong directions back to her hotel we decided to visit another casino, The Grand Lisboa. We wanted to sneak my brother in, but he was underage. The best plan we came up with was to rush in as a huddled mass. However in our rush, we left my brother behind with my mum. The security guy stopped them both and asked for ID. My mum thought she could divert the guy’s attention by ruffling through the contents of her purse. She ended up showing her own passport, but this only irritated him. So we went back to the Venetian to end our first day in Macau.

N Jr left early in the morning the next day before my brother and I woke up. He had to get back for a lecture, the nerd. We had breakfast at about 10 and not having any else to do I suggested a visit to the spa. Only my dad thought this was a good idea, so the two of us went off and did just that.

I wanted to get a massage since I never had one before. We both got full body Swedish massages. During it my dad fell asleep and snored loud enough to drown out my thoughts. My masseuse asked if I was nervous because this was my first massage. I said I wasn’t but then she started kneading my butt like bread dough. The masseuse’s hands were rougher than I imagined they should be, like a cat’s tongue.

So that was our time in Macau. Getting back to the ferry before departure was made more difficult since my dad got lost somewhere in the hotel. The rescue effort consisted of my mum yelling at him over the phone. They’re going to have so much fun travelling together in mainland China – just the two of them.

That leaves my brother and I to find our own entertainment back in Hong Kong.

Post 5: Too Fun an’ all and a Wedding

Saturday 23 January 2010 11:03 pm

Today was the wedding day of my dear Uncle 3. My mum comes from a large family of 8 children so everyone got used to being referred to by number rather than name. Uncle 3 is over 50, has never been married and has no children. He’s also the last sibling to be wedded so today was gonna be a very special day for him.

At 9 o’clock, my brother and I were dropped off at the hotel by the parents, who weren’t going to the morning proceedings - they were however coming for lunch/free food. Uncle 6 took us into the hotel and we took some pictures with all the best men.

Okay, a little history: in the olden days the man would travel countless miles from his village to the woman and took her back for the wedding. She would then have a new life there and could never return home. Therefore the woman’s village, upset by this fact set up a series of challenges for the man so that he may prove his conviction to the woman.

In the modern day, the series of challenges turned into a bunch of crazy games.

When we entered the bride’s hotel room, she was nowhere to be seen. Uncle 3 declared himself and the best men (my brother and I included) cheered. Uncle 3 was instantly blindfolded by the bridesmaids. As this happened one of the best men had a D-cup bra strapped onto him. Uncle 3 had to pat random people and try to guess which one was his bride. I thought that was a bit unfair. I mean how were you supposed to pass that challenge? No right answer. So much wrong.

Other games included eating dry biscuits and spitting it, choosing the bride’s lipstick print from a line-up and dancing to a high-energy Cantonese pop song. Why aren’t all weddings this ridiculous?

After passing all the challenges the bride came out of hiding and we did a more serious tradition; the tea ceremony, where the bride and groom honour their elders.

We had to take a long, boring bus trip to Uncle 3’s apartment to perform the ceremony. When we were inside the apartment I saw a photo of Grandma, who past away when I was really young, 17 years ago. I thought it was weird that I was feeling sad about someone who I had never met before. Tea ceremony probably went alright. I didn’t play a part in it so I wasn’t paying attention.

We had lunch somewhere and reconvened at the hotel where the actual wedding would take place by the outdoor pool. My first thought was that they were marrying in front a heavily chlorinated swimming pool with dead bees floating about, but it was actually really nice. It looked like an expensive koi pond with a waterfall.

On one side was the bride and groom and the other side was the audience. The wedding went on and the crowd were at bit rowdy. Yelling shit from across the pool, but nobody minded. Finally when all the vows, signing and what else were done Uncle 3 got to kiss the bride. At that point everyone let go of the helium balloons we were given earlier and it was like a scene from Up (brilliant movie).

Love was filling the air so my brother and I decided to visit Game Zone before dinner. Game Zone was just a room in the hotel where we’d hope to find a pool table. There was only checkers and Connect 4.

Few games of checkers later, we headed down to the restaurant for dinner. It was a buffet and there was plenty of entertainment.

One microphone. One drunk Uncle 3. Comedy gold.

Uncle 3 claimed he wasn’t drunk but deliriously happy. My mum kept commenting she’d never seen her brother this “high” and that he had never sung before. That was obvious when he started to scream the lyrics.

Everyone was getting into the festive mood, cheering, laughing and taking pictures. Then it came to the cousins to take a picture together. My brother and I and seven of our cousins gathered around Uncle 3. We cheered, pulled faces and enjoyed the spotlight. Then Uncle 3 had a tissue and he was wiping his eyes. Someone asked him what was wrong.

He grabbed the microphone and said, “I miss my mum.”

But then he smiled and hugged all of us and we caused a ruckus right till closing time.

Post 4: King Kong's Chinese cousin

Friday 22nd Jan 2010 11:40 pm

I haven’t seen Hong Kong in awhile, so during the flight I was geared up. Nothing out of the ordinary happened inflight; watched movies and ate terrible airline food.

Anyway after we arrived at our apartment in Sheung Shui (literally Up with Water) we took the car to Mong Kok (literally Busy Horn) for some dinner. We went to a western style restaurant named The Sky Bar. We had a deaf waitress who couldn’t hear our orders and made us repeat ourselves. When I came up to order I explained to her my Cantonese was a bit rusty, but I thought her ears were a bit rusty when she came back with lemon water instead of the Sprite I ordered. I sent it back, but then my mum came back from the toilet and told me she had ordered the lemon water. Embarrassed, I had to ask the waitress to bring it back. I guess she wasn’t a bad waitress, we were just bad customers.

We were in a really large mall so we took some time to look around. My brother pointed out a shop with a terrible pun name; Cho-‘COOL’-ate.

It sold clothes.

Another shop was called The Bus Model Shop. It was exactly what the name tells you, an entire shop dedicated to model buses and the jerks who collect them.

My brother and I were in a shop looking at miniature chairs. We were playing around with them when the store clerk told us to put them down and pointed at a sign. It was in Chinese, which we couldn’t read so we accepted that it wasn’t our fault. As we were leaving I saw a girl knock over a handbag from the shelf. She looked at it and decided to ignore it. As she walked passed I asked, “You gonna pick that up?” Silence, she just stared at me. “Bit rude just knocking over a bag and walking off.” Then I realised I was still speaking in English and getting some weird looks. By that time the store clerk had already picked up the bag. I don’t think he wanted us there anymore.

Well that was a fun first night overseas. Tomorrow we have a wedding to attend. Time to meet the extended family.

Post 3: Oh brother, Mother

Thursday Jan 21st 2010

My mum has given in to paranoia. Two years ago when I was preparing to go to Beijing (first time travelling alone) all she did was warn me with stories about people getting mugged or their bags slash and pockets picked. Okay, so those things are pretty common in China and I know several people personally who have gone through it, but she'd go insane from there. She told me this one story about a woman getting her watch stolen by a thief who ran passed and chopped her whole fucking wrist off!

I had many questions. Mostly why did she believe such absolute nonsense, but she just reminded me to keep my hands in my pockets.

Recently she told me a story about a mother who was packing her groceries into the boot of her car. She left her kids in the car with the air con on and since the keys were in the ignition some dirtbag runs in and drives the car away, flooring it and leaving the mother chasing after the car screaming. Obviously, she was very distraught but it turned out alright. The eldest kid, who was about 10, kept his calm and negotiated with the crook to let them all go and he could have the car.

My mum told me this expecting me to be pretty amazed, but all I could say was, "That kid is a little bullshitter." A petty car thief doesn't want to add kidnapping to the offences. He probably dropped the kids off once he was safe and the kid thought, "How can I make the most of this?" The little shit.

Anyway we're leaving tomorrow early in the morning.

Post 2: An apple a day did little to help

Tuesday 19th Jan 2010

Well, yesterday I got a cold; 3 days before we fly off to Hong Kong. I don't even understand how I could possibly get a cold when the weather man said it was a sweltering 41°C. That's fucking hot. I guess he got he got fired after.

I just ate an egg and I'm going to sleep.

Unbelievable... the trip will be more interesting than this, I promise.

Post 1: Meet and greet

Sunday, 10th January 2010

So my name’s Terence, I live in Australia and I’m about to spend a great deal of time travelling abroad with my family. That’s 17 days of sight-seeing in China and Japan… with my family. See, I do love ‘em and all but with an obnoxious father, short tempered mother and an annoying, know-it-all little brother they do make it hard to for me to like them.

In any case I am excited about going overseas again. Even though the last time I went on a family trip my brother fought me for the window seat, my mum complained about everything and my dad kept reminding me his pants size were 2 inches smaller than mine.

We leave on the 22nd of January. Two weeks from now it begins.